Walk down my path with me for a while.
It isn’t a straight path right now, but has many forks which I have been investigating.
A friend who put me on this path is in hospice, so pardon me if i’m distracted.
My path was covered with brambles, Himalayan blackberries,
which had accumulated while I was being a good person, a good husband, a good lover, a good teacher, a good Christian etc.
My major stressors were to be perfect and to please others. I learned that in a workshop in the late 70’s, but I think it is still true.
So I have retreated, literally, and am trying to express myself
in written word, in drawings, in poetry, in dance, in costume, in lots of different ways, not all of them within societal norms, not drugs, but nudity.
A big part of this search, and probably much of the reason for it, was the Portland REgional Burn. My eyes were opened. Don’t do anything drastic for 6 weeks they say. Well its been at least that. Much in the change in my appearance (longer hair, scraggly beard, wearing a sarrong) are in preparation for THE Burning Man, now 43 days away.
I don’t mean to frighten or worry my family or friends. I should have done this long ago.
I have recently joined a UCC church that has inspired me to pursue a spiritual path, an intentional path, a path of enlightenment.
I am also tryhing to clear internal brambles in my body, my heart, my mind, and my soul, so as to be open to life, new experiences, God, and finding myself.
These things shake up those around me. They shake me up too. That’s the point. One does not change without the shake up. It may be worrysome, stressful, embarassing, etc., but that leads to discovery and change.
I don’t even know if I am brave enough to change or make life changing decisions, but I have people.
My people don’t hesitate to tell me when I’m going down the wrong path or a path that might embarrass or threaten them. I appreciate that. I appreciate their concern. I appreciate this is how they show their love and support.
But I must lead the effort. I must take a look, try new things, express myself, and change if needed.
PS Elizabeth KKubler Ross, On Death and Dying, says that each of us must face death and try to understand it. I agree, but I think the first step is to understand living. I have been given a life and now is a good time to examine what I’m doing with it.
Small Town Boy