Teal

Teal is the color of those in support of those with Ovarian cancer.

  
This reminds me to pray for my friend in hospice. 

Won’t you join me ?

Some might think prayer does no good, but I know better.

It helps me work on supporting her transition,

And it helps me prepare for the end.

It helps her by bringing comfort and solace in this important time.

It helps her family as they live and work through this time we all knew was coming.

And it alerts Him that someone very special is coming.

I love you and I pray for your ease and comfort and for those near you.

Thanks for everything.

You helped me find me.

God bless and keep you.

-Small town boy

If

If you knew what I knew,

Would you do what I do?

If you were me,

Would you be who I be?

If you had trod my path,

Would you take the paths I took?

No?

Why not?

Because you are not me?

Because you don’t think like I think?

Because you don’t choose what I choose?

Why?

Who are you that is not me?

Would I do what you do?

Would I think like you?

No, why not?

What makes you be you

And me be me?

Genes?

Experience?

Family?

Or what’s inside,

What continues after,

That which sits on your shoulder

And is the foundation that is you?

Will you be you next time we meet?

Was that you the last time we met?

How will I know you?

Say something.

– Small Town Boy

  

I love you

There is more than one “I love you.”

Even when you just start out in love,

Each day your love grows,

And grows, till

You can’t stand it anymore.

You can’t think about it because it consumes you, from the inside out,

Till you can’t think.

Your mind, your heart, your body, and your spirit are agitated,

Aching, can’t catch a breath,

Total anhilation of the ego,

Not just by the lebido, 

Nor the hormones,

Nor the genitalia.

But by the other.

The other you just met, the other you’ve known for years and years,

The unexpected other, the long known other,

The young and the old,

The men and women you suddenly

Realize hold the key to your heart.

How can you refuse?

What else can you do but

Return the love measure for measure.

“I am here to love you,”

Said I 

And He, standing by my shoulder,

Said, “I am here to love you!”

Talking to me.

Now I believe I am here

To love me too.

Small town boy

  

It don’t work

If it don’t work, make it work

is a saying that does not work with people.

Waiting with kindness allows conversation

wherin you learn that you are starting

a long process

of waiting, listening, hearing and understanding

befor you procede.

In fact, it will surprise you with the result.

Just what you were trying to dig out,

just when you didn’t know how to procede,

just when you ran out of options,

Response arrives carrying the answers you wanted

and more.

Now by listening and not be thinking of what I want to do next,

I hear.  When I hear I can see to discern meaning.

When I discern meaning, I can move ahead, slowly.

It will ultimately be done by me on an appropriate timeline,

Not of my choosing,

but of my discerning.

I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop.

IMG_4484
Small town boy

Trailhead

you know where to start,

And you know where you think it will end,

But after that all bets are off.

I am writing an important novel.

I’ve read the hints and suggestions,

But now it is up to me.

Trailblazing is hard work,

You may get lost and have to start over or go a different way than you’d planned,

But it’s your trail.

When I hike I follow the paths others have made and enjoy seeing what they saw.

When I write I am alone,

I decide where to turn and

Which landmarks to note in my journal,

Which things I want you to pay attention to.

I do much better, more of myself, my creativity, my style when I leave what I know behind and explore.

Writing is work.

But I have something to say.

A story that has to be told.

But where to begin?

  
Small town boy

Lift Your Feelings?

When the day is grey,

When you’re feeling down,

When something bad has happened,

When you’re hurt or hurting,

Lift Your Feelings.

It may be difficult or easy, but

The path to the light is up,

Think about it.

Remember above the clouds is blue sky

And sunshine.

Who  the fuck cares?

When you are down in the muck, again,

Who the fuck cares?

So, you’re feeling hostile today too?

Sit, take deep breaths, close your eyes,

and listen to your breathing.

By our own will find those feelings,

especially the bad ones no  one will help you with,

Fill them with helium (or love works) and see them rise up above you, above the clouds, and 

When the light shines on them they morph and turn bright.

Note: you may have to do this several times a day.

Sit for a minute and feel the sun (or love)

Remember this feeling.

And go find a hug, a big bear hug, a heart to heart  hug,

And share the love.

I love you. I am here to love you.

  
-Small town boy

I can’t

Whats the matter with you anyway?

Just get over yourself, it’s just a story you tell yourself. You can do it.

No, I can’t.

What do you mean you can’t? Enough negative talk, get up and get out there. Yes you can.

I am unable. I am disabled. I don’t have the ability I used to.

I know what you are saying, and I was once able, but no longer.

My brain doesn’t work that way anymore. My body can’t do what it used to do well. I remember then, but this is now.

I am unable to drive anymore.

I am unable to read without hearing the text at the same time.

I am unable to write or type.

I don’t understand the computer, the Internet, or my cell phone.

But I know everyone expects me to.

“For further information go to our website.…”

“Get your coupons online…”

“Did you watch Netflix last night?”

No, I can’t .

Beside the fact of my disabilities I don’t have the income I had, or the friends.

All of these things are above my reach.

I rarely go out to eat.

I get my food from the gleaners and the food bank.

Vet bills for my service dog are eating me out of house and home, but I need her when I have a seizure in public. She will sit in my chest and raise holy hell till someone comes to help.

So when you see me next, say “Hi. How are you doing?” And lend a hand. Will you?

“I’m sorry, I just Can’t .”

-Small town boy 

  

A Tinge

as the sun sets in the west

Over the pacific off the Oregon coast,

I notice something.

I stopped because the salmon colored

Sunset caught my eye,

All bright between two cloud banks

A few miles off shore, 

But then I noticed that the upper edge of the clouds was also tinged in pink,

A lacy, delicate pink that I might have missed.

Which brings to mind how many lovely delicate things we miss by focusing so tightly on the big bright thing in fromt of us.

A little less focus and a little more relaxed observation. Permits more beauty to enter the picture.

Your peripheral vision is quicker than our regular frontal eyes.

So all those things in the corner of your eye we often refuse to see. By easing our focus a notch we allow them to be seen and recorded.

You may think this is trivial but I just looked up and saw a rainbow shaped cloud who’s bottom was tinged with pink.

What extravagent beauty in the things only tinged in our world.

What does this say about the people who are marginalized in our society?

Much of the beauty and wonder is lost when we are too focused, too busy to meet and greet them.

Our loss.

Small town boy

  
Small town boy

Burning Man 10 principles

Let me try to put these ten principles in simple terms.

Once I found them I tattooed symbols on my wrist

So that each day they caught my eye and

suggested ways I could improve.

  
1. Radical inclusion  means everyone is included, even the rich.

2. Gifting means there is no transaction or barter or reprise. One gives and  another receives.

3. Decommodification means no commercial logos, even UHaul.

4. Radical self reliance means you do it. You may ask for and receive help, but it is ultimately your responsibility to do it.

5. Radical self expression (see Burning Man videos on Youtube)

6. Collaboration or group work. WE work  toteghter.

7. Civic duty means we police ourselves or others will.

8. Leave no trace means picking up the smallest MOOP (material out of place)

9. Volunteer. If I see you need help I help.

10. Immediacy, do  it now.

The two angels are my cousin whose playa name is Angel and my granddauther who defaultt name is Angel.

– Small Town Boy

Holding Hands

While I was meditating

Someone I love, or am learning to,

Held my hand.

A soft caress amidst my deep nothingness;

Interlocked fingers as we join;

One finger rubbing another gently,

Opening and closing in a warm embrace.

One keeping the other warm as cold is detected in the fingers, with love.

The blood rushes to be at the site where touch is, and then returns to the body

To share this touch sensation with others who are interested: the heart, the brain, and the spirit.

All are delicately revelling in a remembered hand clasp of another, a bonding, or an unsaid pledge.

Who is with me while I’m without clothes, thought, and movement?

No one.

There’s no one here but me.

-Small town boy