A time of decay

There is decay everywhere

Beneath the trees in our rain forest are trees in decay.

Politics and politicians have decayed beyond belief

Schools, countries, churches, all in decay.

Do you see?

My mind is decaying: dementia, I take pills for it and wear patches.

My heart is decaying, laboring up the hill, losing loved ones, no longer ‘necking’ in the car as I did in my teens.

My body is in decay as I notice my legs, hips, and feet suffer the slightest incline, not to mention internal organs.

My spirit has decayed. Once Interested in liturgy, ceremony, church, now its meditation, mandalas and medicine wheels.

It’s a fact of living: as we get old we decay, yes!?

But I have studied systems and cycles.

Decay is only part of a cycle.

A cycle, especially in the rain forest, that includes birth, life, decay, death and rebirth.

Also in my life.

Nurse logs provide the perfect place to start a new forest, in a straight line even.

Mulch is going on everywhere, death feeding the living.

The purpose of decay is to feed the next ones, and the next.

Decay brings obligation, to offer sage wisdom, comfort, and encouragement to the new growth.

My wife is great at this, nurturing children (ours and other’s), grand children, and great grand children. And me.

So what am I to do.

I think I’ll go mulch.

There’s still a lot of me left to decay, recycle, repurpose, reuse.

I still carry all the love they have given me, and it’s stronger everyday.

Peace, love and life.

– Small town boy

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The Hot Wheel and the Cell Phone

The Hot Wheel and the  Cell Phone lay on the living room floor,

Amid the detritus that the baby left about.

“La la da da la la da da da da de da!” Said the 1.5 yr old boy,

Just after his first trip to the playground at the park,

First swing, first slide, fine time with his 28 yr old father.

“La la da da la la da da da da de da!”, said the grandpa,

And the baby looked at his father, like, What’s wrong with grandpa. Why is he speaking gibberish?

And the father rests on the couch, after the playground field trip,

And the child wonders about talking into  the  wireless phone, with batteries removed,

And then tries on two of grandpa’s hats, discarding both as too big,

One a black Pendleton cowboy hat, and one a leather baseball cap.

Off he goes, full of energy tapped and sapped from adults in the house,

And charges across the floor with a wooden car, saying “”La la da da la la da da da da de da!”,

Which means the car  is running, engine loud, and look out!

The dog hides behind the couch with me, out of the way of the speeding auto,

And the energetic young boy.

How has the boy learned all  this in 18 months of life?

What else will he pick up and try to understand and try to explain/interact with others?

I wish another pre-verbal would be here.  Would they understand each other’s jibberish?

He’s a Jabberwocky! (Not from Star Wars or Star Trek, that’s a combination of Jabba the Hut and The Wookie.)

He’s his own inner child.

He’s the center of the universe.

So who minds picking up all the mess?


– Small town boy

Love is an ocean

Love is an ocean whose waves glide onto the sand shore,

Where Sandpipers dance.

In my heart there are waves of love,

Beating against the driftwood of my ego.

Your heart feels the tide, awaits the moon, and

Digs in the sand, deep holes, three of them,

To bury your losses.

Now that you have detached, you can join me

In welcoming the tide, high or low, that feeds our soul.

Your soul and mine,

Whose joint love has created others, children, grandchildren, and great graandchildren

Who are islands in the sea of our love,

Protected by the shoals of coral we have grown around them.

Free to make their own dugout eventually and escape

To the sea

Where they build their own lives 

On their islands,

Because of us.

Christmas Gorilla 

Once upon a time there was a small gorilla who believed in Santa Claus.

And so every Christmas he would put on his Santa hat and his bright red boxer shorts.


Each evening during Advent, he would sit down with his iPad and write a letter to Santa:

Dear Santa, (He would begin)

I am writing you a letter on behalf of someone I know who really needs a Christmas present.  She has everything she needs of course, but I”m sure you can come up with an appropriate gift.  Look into her heart and see what she has always wanted, please.

Sincerely, 

The Christmas Bear

Santa was confused, of course.  He was used to Christmas letters requesting toys, video games, bicycles, dolls and such, but this was a new one. The Christmas Bear? (He looks like a little gorrila in the picture above) And who was this little girl who was to receive this precious present? where does she live? How do I find out what she dearly wants?

So he wrote him back asking these questions.

Dear Christmas Bear,

I received your letter filled with warmth and love, but who is this little girl? Is she someone close to you? Someone you obviously care for and have empathy and compassion for. I must know more about her to be able to identify what she has always wanted.

Yours,

Santa Claus

The little gorilla pondered this letter from Santa and worried about how to tell him about this wonderful woman (50 years old) who had suddenly made such a difference in his life.  She was 9,000 miles away. She was a single mom of 4 children and took time to help the world on YouTube!

She knew about fitness, sleep meditation, yoga, healthy diet and much more that she shared in her YouTube vlogs, her blogs, her books and herself on several social internet sites.

She was like, OUT THERE!

So he wrote back,

Dear Santa,

It’s me, the Christmas Bear again. In answer to your questions,

Yes, I am intimately acquainted with her through something called ASMR, a whispered meditation, and she always talks directly to me; never too busy to ask how I am doing: how I’m sleeping; how I’m getting along in my relationships, how I’m decluttering and setting up happy rituals at bedtime.

She has come back from a traumatic divorce, takes care of her kids like a guardian angel, and still takes time to talk to me.

I live in Oregon. she lives in Australia.

Sincerely,

The Christmas Bear

Now Santa was intrigued. He was having some fitness and diet issues as well as some trouble sleeping. Again he wrote back to the Christmas Bear,

Dear Christmas Bear,

Boy Howdy, does your friend sound like someone special.  Yes, I can deliver to Australia. If you tell me her name I will watch some of her YouTube videos so I can get to know her too. 

Could you tell me her name?

Yours,

Santa Claus

The little gorilla felt like he was manifesting a Christmas surprise!

Dear Mr. Claus,

Her name is Lauren Ostrowski Fenton, wait let me check the spelling. No, it’s correct (I often get it wrong).

We are close personal friends, I just know it.

Thank you for all your help. It’s in your hands now.

Love,

The Christmas Bear. 

PS I just hope she will come to America sometime.

– Small town boy

In the Dark of the Morning

In the dark of the morning,

In the cool of the night,

My life begins anew each day.

My heart searches you out

To be reassured that you will

Be with me today.

You are not a morning person, I know,,

And I believe in early to bed and early to rise

Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

So your day ends after mine,

And my day begins without you.

Be that as it may, I enjoy the dark morning,

Hoping the sky is clear and the moon is out

And Orion is walking the skies.

I am alone now, but soon

You will wake and ask for coffee

And a NutriSystems little bag of granola,

And my day will begin again,

With you in it.

A touch, a smile, a joke, a text,

Or an update on world events,

And we are synched again,

My heart beats with you,

And I feel you with me

As I go to Fitness Over Fifty

For my morning exercise,

Leaving you to see the grandchildren off to school.

I’m not with you tonight,

But this dark morning, in the cool of the night,

My heart finds you,

Sleeping,

And dreaming of when

We’re together again.

– Small town boy

The Foolish

The fool archetype:

The Fool/Jester archetype urges us to enjoy the process of our lives. Although the Fool/Jester can be prone to laziness and dissipation, the positive Fool/Jester invites us all out to play–showing us how to turn our work, our interactions with others, and even the most mundane tasks into FUN.

http://www.uiltexas.org/files/capitalconference/Twelve_Character_Archetypes.pdf

If I am foolish,

I jump out of the box,

I push the envelope.

I am creative.

Humor is my life’s blood.

Shame has no place in my foolish world.

To be quiet is not foolish.

You’re not foolish when you are in a rut.

The foolish are shocking, startling, and unexpected.

Share your foolishness with others, with the world.

I cannot love foolishly, for with each effort I lapse into sincerity, obligation, and deceit.

Who loves a fool ? Everyone.

Who wants to appear foolish? No one.

Let go! Let go! Let go!

Do one foolish thing right now.

I am writing a foolish poem right now.

I’m smiling and feeling happiness.

I love the fool in me, and all the things he does, right or wrong.

Do you think me a fool for telling you this?

– Small town boy

Comingling the entanglements 

Just one entanglement is enough.

two is too many, I think.

Two entanglements distract from your intent.

three entanglements, if they know each other,

Comingle. Comingle in my heart. Comingle in my life.

then what happens?

In the best of all possible worlds,

We would all get along,

But then we wouldn’t call them entnglements,

Would we?

Why is it the entanglements don’t

Get entangled, even when they are comingled?

could it be tht they are supposed to mingle, co mingle?

Do they untangle then? Are they not entanglements any longer.

What was it that decreased the tanglements?

With each one involved comes the chance to enjoy the other.

With enjoyment among the participants entanglements 

Turn into enjoyment.

Enjoyment of the love within each of us.

Love to share and not entangle, yes?

So comingling, and honesty, permits love sharing.

Try it.

– Small town boy

If I said that I love you…

If I said that I love you
I would be wrong,
Wrong headed,
Wrong thinking.
Because it would imply that I have strong feelings for you,
Feelings I would have called love.
My feelings that became strong when you are around or,
When I thought of you.
Let me suggest that love is not a feeling that I have, but
Something, some force, that has me, always.
So when I say that I love you,
What I mean is that my love acknowledges you as one it desires,
And jumps to my attention so that I must tell you.
And when your love acknowledges me and my love,
We, both of us, are IN love, together.
And so, when we are admonished to love one another,
I think it means for each of us to recognize the love that exists in the other,
And act on it.
We don't acknowledge gravity by falling.
It exists whether we do so or not.
Love is like that.
Love exists whether we feel it or not.
So?
So respect it, acknowledge it, and act on it.
Love is for us all, you, me, that person over there and the person next to you.
You can start by giving them a gift:
Listen.
And then give them another:
Speak your truth.
And feed them and hug them and offer safety and comfort.
I'm not kidding.
Love demands this of you.
You are the only you in the whole of creation.
You are the only one who can do what you do.
The only one who sees what you see.
When you love, you share this uniqueness with another, an other.
And they share with you.
So, I'm not saying I love you anymore.
I'm saying that I share my love with you.
Yes?
– Small town boy

My love receiver

I would be lying

I would be lying if I said I didn’t care.

If I said it didn’t hurt.

I would be lying if I pretended not to notice you there.

Lying to myself, because it is readily apparent to you

That I love you.

I don’t know how you know and how it’s hidden from me some days.

Each day begins with you; you’re on my mind and in my heart, so

I guess I know too that you love me.

Why would I be lying if I spoke roughly to you?

How would I be lying if I said some unkind word?

When would I be lying if I didn’t tell you each day how much you mean to me.

Let me not wait till you’ve gone to state my truth to you each waking hour.

Let me not lie to myself that I am without you.

Let me say how much you do each day for our family, our marriage, our home.

Let me not lie.

There is no time for it.

– Small town boy